The Gift of the Cross

Throughout her childhood, Anastasia’s mother did nothing but verbally abuse her and humiliate her in public. When she was not telling her how ugly and obnoxious she thought she was, she would go days without speaking to or acknowledging her.

These years of neglect and abuse left Anastasia profoundly disturbed. Even though her mother began to treat her less severely, she still would feel overwhelmed by anxiety to the point that she could not leave the house and had to drop out of school. All she could do was sit in her backyard looking up into the sky asking God why He did not give her a loving family.

For almost a year, she could not find the strength to leave her house. Though her friends begged her to get help, she could not bring herself to go anywhere and would often lock herself in her room whenever people stopped by to see her.

Knowing in her heart that she could not continue to live this way, she began to pray the rosary begging God to take her anxiety away from her. As she prayed, she would experience some relief from her inner turmoil and moments of peace, but she still could not bring herself to leave the house. Sometimes she would even grow angry with God thinking that He was not answering her prayers or even accusing Him of neglecting her the same way her mother had.

In the meanwhile, several of her friends arranged an intervention for her. They arrived at her house and begged her to sit with them. She agreed. They sat in a circle and each of them told her how much they loved her while asking her to get help. Though at first she felt betrayed by them, she acknowledged how right they were. And so, she agreed to check herself into a facility to help her deal with her anxiety.

It took much courage for Anastasia to leave her house and attend the treatment program. It was only with great difficulty that she was able to open herself up to the counselors. But, with time, she began to find some relief and, though her anxiety has not totally gone away, she has learned to deal with it.

In witnessing to her ordeal, Anastasia said that for years she begged God to take her anxiety away and He never seemed to answer her prayer. Now she has learned to look at her anxiety as a gift because it makes her depend on God for everything. She was not able to conquer her anxiety until she acknowledged that she was powerless over it and decided to put her trust in God to give her the courage and strength she needed to do something as simple as leave the house every morning.

As she put it, “I would not want it any other way. Because of my anxiety, I have learned to depend on God. And I wouldn’t trade my relationship with Him for anything.”

All of us have a cross. And when we are weighed down by it, our first instinct is to call out to God to take it away from us. None of us wants to suffer. Even Jesus, when faced with His death cried out: “Lord, if it be your will, take this cup from me.”

Sometimes, God answers our prayer by taking the cause of our suffering away. Other times, however, He allows the suffering to continue.

Like Anastasia, we may grow angry with God and ask why He is silent when we need Him most. We may cry out like Jeremiah in today’s first reading - “You duped me, O Lord.” We may think that God has abandoned or even betrayed us.

However, there is a deeper truth to be discovered. Nothing happens to us without God allowing it. And if He allows something to happen to us, it is always for our good. Therefore, if God is allowing us to suffer it is somehow for our good.

This is not always easy to hear. Often, we cannot imagine what possible benefit could come from our pain or that of our loved ones. However, it is a truth that we hold in faith.

Human beings can endure much suffering when they see a purpose to it. Just think of what athletes go through to condition themselves for competition. However, when we do not see any meaning to our suffering, we are tempted to give up and fall into despair.

Our faith, however, challenges us to trust in God when our anguish overwhelms us. Our suffering is never meaningless because our Heavenly Father promises to always bring good out of it whether we see it immediately or not. When the turmoil seems too much to bear, a prayer as simple as “Lord, I trust in you” can give us peace and strengthen us to take one more step under the weight of our cross.

Also, our faith teaches us that none of us suffers alone. Jesus is by the side of all of those who suffer to help them bear the weight of their cross. Like Anastasia, if nothing else, our cross can help us to grow in love for our Lord by teaching us to rely on Him.

In today’s gospel, Jesus speaks plainly to us: “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross and follow me.” Our Heavenly Father does not promise to always save us from suffering but He promises to always save us through suffering. If we embrace our cross with faith and love, then we can already taste some of the joy and glory of the resurrection even in the midst of our anguish. And by offering our pains to God in union with Jesus, we will feel connected not only to our Lord but to all those around the world who suffer.

Suffering is unavoidable in this life. The question is, will we allow it to make us bitter? Will we give in to despair? Or will we allow God to give meaning to our suffering so that we can endure it with hope and so that we can grow from it? If we give it all over to our Heavenly Father, then we, like Anastasia, can learn not only to carry our cross but to thank God for it.